


Adrift

by hollyandvice (hiasobi_writes)



Series: Holly's Round Seven H/C Bingo Card [55]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Introspection, Jossed, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 23:42:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8944081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiasobi_writes/pseuds/hollyandvice
Summary: It's not that Yuuri saved him, Viktor knows the world doesn't work like that. Other people don't save you, you save yourself.

Viktor reflects on what Yuuri has given him and tries to find the words to tell him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this before today's ep and thought I'd posted it but apparently I didn't? Anyway the basic premise has been shot to hell after the end of today's ep, but whatever, I thought I'd share. Unbeta'ed. Written for H/C Bingo Round 7.

Adrift. When Yuuri tells Viktor he wants to end things, it takes Viktor the better part of the night to find the word. He waits until after JJ's free skate, while Yuuri's stretching, to utter it. To tell Yuuri honestly and completely how he feels. That, even if they end things romantically, he won't be going back to competitive figure skating. He's finally found the shore, and going back to the ice will only leave him floundering again, drowning in his own confusion and isolation.

It's not that Yuuri saved him, Viktor knows the world doesn't work like that. Other people don't save you, you save yourself. But Yuuri taught him that, more clearly and more deeply than even Yakov's teachings could have. Yuuri showed him the way, the path to life and love, and all Viktor had ever wanted was to repay him that chance. Nothing more.

Adrift. It's a strange word, one that feels awkward on Viktor's tongue, but it feels more right than any other he can utter to Yuuri. It's how he'd felt for the last few months, perhaps even the last few years before Yuuri appeared in his life, crashing in with light in his eyes and honesty in his smile. He took Viktor by the arm and dragged him willingly into a new world, one where there is more to life than what you hang around your neck. It's the hands you hold and the lives you touch, the mornings and the nights and everything in between. For the first time in years--perhaps ever--Viktor can see all that, can see the world for what it is, not for what he's made it, and he can _breathe_ again. And Yuuri gave him that.

Yuuri stares at him like he's never seen him, like he doesn't understand what Viktor's saying, and Viktor almost reaches for his phone, almost lets the device bridge the gap their language barrier creates between them. (It's not their only gap, not by a long shot, and Yuuri's quiet assertion last night that Viktor belongs on the ice is just one more reminder of those distances. Viktor wants to traverse those distances, wants to cross the divide between them, and he will do whatever it takes, whatever Yuuri will let him give, to bring them back to understanding each other.) But Yuuri's eyes just go soft and a little distant, something like understanding filling them. He reaches up to cup Viktor's face and nods, once, slowly, like he understands. He reaches out for Viktor's right hand with his free hand, thumb rubbing gently over the ring that lies there, asking the question without words. It takes Viktor a moment to understand, but when he does, words fail him. He can only lean in, pressing a desperate kiss to Yuuri's lips and hoping that, as he so often does, Yuuri will understand what he's trying to say.

Adrift. When Yuuri draws back, eyes half-lidded and face smooth before he turns to leave for his free skate, Viktor feels it again. Because Yuuri doesn't need him, Yuuri never needed him, other people don't save you, _you save yourself_ , and as Yuuri walks away, head held high and spine filled with steel, Viktor wonders if he's coming back. If his words last night were more for himself than for Viktor. It terrifies Viktor, leaves him trembling, but he lets some of Yuuri's steel fill his spine, and he follows his champion to the ice. He says nothing as Yuuri steps out for his free skate, takes Yuuri's skate guards and lets him lead the way.

_Yuri on Ice_ fills his ears, but Viktor can barely hear or understand what is happening, because this… this is Yuuri's true power as a skater. To lay his heart bare to the world and let them judge him for who he is, not for the mask he wears. Viktor isn't jealous, doesn't envy Yuuri's open honesty, because it opened the door that let Viktor save himself and he could never begrudge Yuuri that. Viktor just swallows his own pride and lets his pride in Yuuri fill him to bursting. Yuuri skates and smiles and lets the world fall at his feet, ever the man he always was because he never needed to hide. It's all Viktor's ever wanted for him and it takes all his strength to wait until Yuuri's done to make his way to the kiss and cry.

Viktor is not adrift any longer. He's shipwrecked himself on the shore of Yuuri's life and love, and here he will stay, forever, if Yuuri lets him.

From the smile Yuuri flashes him from the podium later that day, Viktor thinks there's a good chance of that.

**Author's Note:**

> [Come hang with me on tumblr!](http://hollyandvice.tumblr.com/)


End file.
